Drama 2: Interrogation in Kiev airport customs

Drama 2:  So after I happily handed-over my bag of drugs etc and the customs agent announced that the pseudophed I  was carrying was illegal in Ukraine, I was escorted to a little room.

The custom agent said that she would have to fill-out a "protocol."  So she started typing on a computer and 3 or 4 people came into the small room and were speaking robustly in Russian.

I don't recall who they all were or how many because I had been awake for around 30 hours and my head was spinning.  I was wrapping my head around it... or trying to... I had unknowingly transported an illegal drug into a former republic of the USSR with a reputation for corrupt police (as I had read on the USA State Department web site) AND I had gone through the "nothing to declare" line in customs.

I was screwed.

As I regained consciousness and the crowd dwindled to two people, I came to realize that:

1.  The customs officer whom was filling-out the report spoke VERY little English.

2.  The "translator" who was there was, in fact, an attorney... and his English wasn't a whole lot better.

At first things seemed very dire.  They asked me if I had a written prescription for the two other drugs I was carrying... the Lexipro (which I take for anxiety and which didn't appear to be doing its job) and the Ambien (which I had taken one the flight and which wasn't helping my head at all at this point).  I tried to explain that I never had a paper prescription... that the bottle WAS the prescription and that the doctor had emailed the paperless prescription to the pharmacy, where I retrieved it.

Both are illegal in Ukraine, they said.  "We need to see paper prescription."

After about 15 mintues of hand-waving, rough translation, and pointing, they came to understand that the bottle itself was the prescription and we were back to the Pseudophed.  Somehow this was a relief.

They explained that the drug would be confiscated, that the "protocol" (report) would be made, and that it would go before a judge who would then make his ruling.

At this point I was, for the first time, VERY thankful for my 9-hour layover in Kiev before my next flight.

They attorney starting explaining about how people try to smuggle illegal things into Ukraine, such as drugs and iPhones.

Shit.  "I have an iphone in my pocket" I said... my vision narrowed to a dark tunnel with a light at the end which included  visions of carving roman numerals on a concrete wall while eating borsch and bread given to me through a hole in a wall.  There I was planning my "Shawshank Redemption" escape... hoping for someone akin to Sean Connery's character in "Hunt for Red October" as my Morgan Freeman sidekick.

But the lawyer explained that I could have one for personal use, just not to sell.  He said something about confiscating 40 iPhones from a smuggler previously.

It was about this time that I asked, "am I in serious trouble?"  And for the first time, the very nice attorney explained that it was ok because I had handed the drugs to the customs woman (also very nice) and that they were not crazy in the customs office.  Had I been found with this drug by the regular police, I would certainly have been in jail.  Or had I tried to hide it (or not presented it) I would also be in jail.  But that I would soon be on my way and that I would not have to appear in court unless I wanted my 23 tablets of Pseudophed back.

You can guess how attached I was to them... I would NOT be appearing in an Ukrainian court!!!

I asked to go to the bathroom and the attorney escorted me there and waited at the door, smoking a cigarette as I took care of my business.

I don't remember much else except that I had to hand-write a story about what had happened and an apology that "I did not intend to knowingly violate Ukrainian law."  Then I signed several documents, which were all in Ukrainian, I met with the customs department head, who attempted to explain what I was signing, I was given a copy, and released almost in tears from relief, by the very apologetic and sweet customs officer whom first "busted" me.

I was a free man.